The Middle 07. Read this to become more consistent...

...ly inconsistent

I remind myself of the imaginary disclaimer that hangs in my brain, to the right of the door upon entry: I reserve the right to be inconsistent.

It’s a vow I have made with myself, a promise of sorts, that I consistently come back to because I am incredibly, humanly, frustratingly inconsistent. We all are. We want one thing, then we want another.

We’re fine, happy even, being single, and then suddenly we’re wondering why a partner hasn’t shown up.

Or, the opposite. We’re content in a relationship, and then suddenly we want more space, more time, more freedom.

We’re content in our growth and healing, and then suddenly we’re frustrated with ourselves when old pain makes itself known.

We are confident in our faith, unshakeable even, and then suddenly we stand on the shifting sands of doubt.

We’re okay with our appearance, and then suddenly we wish we had botox, or braces, or a different face completely.

And then, as we face our fickle inconsistency, we experience shame. Self-hatred. Frustration. I hear it all the time, from my own mouth and from the people around me: “Why can’t I just be consistent? What is wrong with me?”

The voice of shame tells us that there is something wrong with us if we are not how we want to be. The moments where we aligned with our values in the past don’t seem to hold weight anymore. You were foolish to think you were fine the way you were because, SURPRISE, you’re actually a fraud. You want one thing, then you shift and change and want another.

And then you shift right on back again.

We’re all riding the rollercoaster of inconsistency and maybe, just maybe, it’s actually okay.

What if being human is not about wanting one thing, 100% of the time, but offering grace to ourselves when our desires morph and change with the tides?

What if being human is not about being one way, always, but about honouring all sides of ourselves when they show up?

What if consistency is less about doing the things, or being a certain way, and more about consistently offering grace wherever we find ourselves?

What if routine is not something we adhere to, but simply something we return to when we find ourselves off-beat?

I wonder if it is healthier to radically accept our inconsistency, seeing it not as a marker of our value but of our need for the consistent One, the One who tells us who we are: loved, redeemed, reconciled, delighted in. Our identity is not in our capacity to be happy, committed, and motivated individuals, but in the One who created us. I accept my inconsistency, for it allows me to lean into the grace of the consistent One.

The kitchen will get messy again. I will feel confident this morning and insecure this afternoon. You will, too. We are fickle and inconsistent. God is not. And that, my friends, is good news.

Benediction:
May inconsistency lead us to the consistent One,
where grace and love abound.

Journal Prompts:

• When I notice my own inconsistency, what negative things do I tend to believe about myself? Where do these negative self-beliefs come from? Are they true? If they are not true, what is?

• What might happen if I gave myself permission to be inconsistent?

• What aspects of life are more important than being consistent?

Practices:

• Say it with me now, “I reserve the right to be inconsistent.” Or find wording that works for you. Either way, practice repeating this to yourself today.

• Be intentionally inconsistent, just for kicks. Leave the dishes unwashed or the laundry unfolded, and see how the world keeps turning.

• Observe the part of you that flares up when you’re inconsistent. Instead of letting it in the driver’s seat, place your hand on your heart and acknowledge that you are frustrated. Then, offer yourself a compassionate reminder that this is simply part of being human.

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Now for some fun stuff!

Here are things that have made me smile this month, because we can’t talk about serious stuff all the time:

• This podcast episode “Pooped on a Date” from Armchair Anonymous had me driving to work with my jaw dropped, laughing by myself in the car. It’s hilarious, and weirdly touching? If you need a laugh, and appreciate some potty humour, give it a listen.

• The IKEA Stolthet cutting board is my new favourite purchase. It is perfect to, in the words of Caroline Winkler, “coral your crap”. Here’s a TikTok showing three ways to use it.

• Speaking of Caroline Winkler, her “everybody’s LONELY” video is super helpful and relatable. She points out that the “antidote to loneliness is feeling understood” and just wow. Yeah. Ain’t that the truth.

• I’ve been enjoying home design lately, and prop set stylist Paige Wassel has been a new YouTube favourite for me. This video on how to make your home feel happier and this one on how to decorate your grey box of a home are informative and helpful!

• I got this recipe from one of my student leadership mentors during my undergrad, and I have enjoyed this butternut squash soup every fall/winter for years now. It is the best, and I am sincerely indebted to Marcia Buhler, whoever she is, for this recipe.

  

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  Thanks for reading this edition of The Middle! Like really, thank you. Feel free to leave a comment in the Substack App or Web Browser, or subscribe to receive next month’s email right to your inbox.